| brian and i broke up about 2 months ago. i'm devastated but exhausted and living through the motions. i don't feel anything anymore except apathy and lonely. i have no warmth, no stability. i have absolutely nothing, no one cares about me and no one will becuase i'm a fucking fuck up.
jsut said some shit to him and i feel horrible. fuckin up more, remiding him why he left me. way 2 go meee
fuckin threw up, fuck ittttttttt |
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| today brian and i got into a fight, i cut up my ribcage, we made up, bought weed nd i cooked veggies for dinner. i realized i never talk about throwing up because i've basically accepted it as a part of life, but i guess i'm mentioning it now though, right? it just seems like there's nothing to say about it, it just is. |
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| So basically we decided that Brian will go to Cali to stay with his mom/be temporarily employed by her for two months. I will stay home and continue to work at my shitty job. Good news is that my shitty job will soon be giving me a grip more hours and I now work day shift instead of being a closer! So I'll be saving $$ here and he'll be saving $$ there. Well both be taking a few classes online while we're apart and when we reunite we will get all of our financial aid complete and by the time January rolls around we will be students at NAU. Finally a plan? Who the fuck knows at this point. Subject to change. |
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| I need to improve. I want to throw myself in a dark hole with no responsibilities and have endless amounts of drugs and sex and food network will never go off the air. |
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